The sudden vibration of the phone breaks my focus. I fumble, nearly dropping it from shaking fingers as I pull it to my ear. Caller id shows nothing.
"Hello?", I say.
"Hi, Nadia". Their voice is shaky and quiet, distant, as though the phone is miles from their lips.
"Who is-", and then I pause, realization dawning. "Lulu?"
"Hey Nia."
"Oh my god, Lu!"
"Been a while, huh?"
"Years, I think! You went with, hang on, I know this, starts with a B...", I trail off, thinking.
"Bashephiel", Lulu prompted, voice wavering slightly.
"Yeah, Bash! Tower of the First Night, right? How'd, uh, how'd that work out?"
She paused for a moment. "Uhh".
"Lu, are you... are you okay?"
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"What's up?"
"Nadia, I...", she trailed off.
I sat on the edge of the bed, relaxing a little, studying the wooden swirls of the dresser.
"I'm dying."
"Oh." I fell backwards, my body suddenly weightless. "Oh. Are you... I don't know what to say. Like, right now?"
"Yeah. It's... I don't really know how to explain it. Lost a fight real bad. Got something in me."
"Does it hurt?"
"Like a bitch, Nia. It's so bad." I heard a stifled sob.
"Okay. Okay. You're going to be okay."
"Yeah."
"Is there anyone around? What about your brethren? Basha-whatever-it-was? Come on, there's gotta be someone, right?"
"They, uh, they left."
"What?", I yelled into the phone a little, then winced at the force of my own voice.
"Yeah, uh, we were kind of in a hurry and I would've just slowed them down, and it's okay because I was his favourite and I did good and they'll see if they can come back for my body later and-"
"What the fuck!"
"and it's important because, you know, the balance is at stake here and"
"They can't, I mean, how could they?"
"and I agreed to it, right?"
"How could they?"
"Right?"
We both realized we were just talking over each other at the same time and stopped.
In the silence, I asked, "But, they can't ask you to die for them."
"That was the deal. For life."
"Fuck."
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"Someone had to."
"Okay. Where are you right now?"
"Dunno. The stars are pretty. They feel right."
"You can see the stars?"
"Yeah, I'm uh, on the steps? Outside one of the towers? Don't know where exactly. Think one of the dream layers?"
"God."
"No, we killed her."
"What?"
"Sorry, bad joke."
"And there's not like a hex or anything? I mean, I know healing was never your strong field, but you must've picked something up, right? I can walk you through it, hang on, I'll open wikipedia, and-"
"Nadia."
"I just..."
"I know."
"God, I'm sorry."
"I know."
"What do you want me to do?"
"Just, ah, sorry, one sec"
There was a shuffle from the line, the sound of the phone being placed on the ground. Distantly, I heard a small scream and then a couple grunts.
"Okay. I'm back."
"You good?"
"Dumb question."
"Yeah, okay."
"Mm", she grunted in acknowledgement.
"What can I do?"
"Can you, uh, can you just talk? Tell me about what you've been up to?" Grunts of pain punctuated her speech.
"Yeah. Yeah, I can."
"I'm sorry. I know it's a lot to ask and we haven't spoken for years and I just..."
"You just wanted to hear a familiar voice?"
"Yeah."
"You haven't changed a bit."
She laughed weakly.
"I missed you too.", I said. I think tears were starting to come down my cheeks now.
She said nothing.
"Okay, I mean, I don't really know where to start. Do you remember Brian?"
"Tall Brian?"
"Yeah! Anyway, we only lasted another 6 months after graduation. Beth was right. Long distance killed it."
"Sucks."
"Ehhh, he was kind of an asshole, wasn't he?"
"Yeah", she said quietly.
"Anyway, so I considered shipping out too. Picked up a few months running weather interference on a void skimmer. Hated it and came back first chance I got, of course. I dunno, something about the void just scares me, right? The way it moves. The way the eyes peer out of it... Oh! I'm sorry. I can talk about something else."
"No. It's okay."
"Alright, if you're sure. I don't really have a lot to say about the trip anyway. Felt like something in me walked out and never came back. But I was recovering a breakup and Beth was gone and Aucole moved and you were off doing your thing and I guess I was lonely?"
"I'm sorry", she whispered.
"Nah, wasn't your fault. You were doing what made you happy, I think. Missed you. Thought of you often. After your first tour never came back, considered shipping out again just to look for you."
"Glad you didn't."
"Yeah. You're tougher than I am. I wouldn't have... Well. Anyway."
I waited to see if she'd say anything. She didn't.
"I went almost a year with an anarchist cabal. Learned some good tricks. Did some stuff I'll never admit to."
"Like?"
"Pfft, nice try! Okay, okay. We haunted several politicians. Real hauntings. Nasty ghosts. Best curses of my life. Last I heard, they wound up condemning the houses after the exorcisms failed. Course, they came down on us hard after we got the mayor. Cell dissolved."
She laughed quietly.
"Fucked around for a few months. Odd jobs, repairing things, fixing karma. Got into computers. Built my own Linhex OS! Called a familiar too."
"Oh!"
"Yeah! Their name is Gria and they're a fire spirit. I love them to death."
"You were always good at fire."
"Always. In fact, I went back to school. Did a masters. Studied history, actually, if you can believe it!"
"What!" I can tell she's trying, but her voice is losing energy fast.
"Yeah. History of pyromancy and worship forms. Fascinating stuff. Mixed in a dash of necromancy too. It was great."
"I'm happy for you."
"Thanks. It's been okay, really. I'm working at a museum now. Maintaining exhibits. Yeah."
I hesitated, unsure what to say.
"Lulu?"
"Nadia?"
"How you doing?"
"It's cold. Real cold."
"Yeah."
"Am I..."
"Yeah?'
"Am I going to be okay?"
"Yes. You're going to be okay."
"Did I do good?"
"You did great. You were the best. Everyone loved you."
"Promise?"
"Always."
"It's so cold, Nadia."
"I know. I know it is, Lulu. It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay, Lulu."
"Nadia?" Her voice quavered weakly. Distant. I was struggling to hear her now.
"Lulu?"
"I should've..." There was a pause. "I should've kissed you."
"Lulu?" I hesitated. "Lulu?"
A single agonizing moment crawled by before I shouted into the phone, "Lulu!"
There was no response.