and i'm in the walls

and i'm in the walls and in the floor and i'm watching the dappled sunlight dancing over the unmade bed and the child is rocking back and forth and it's crying and it's crying and it's crying and the noise is everywhere and everything and maybe i want it to stop and maybe i want someone to hear my cries and i push through the holes and slip inside and touch it

and i am ready

and the sunlight is weaving and carving a swathe through the darkness and i am the child and i am weeping for what i once was and i am everywhere and nowhere and i feel the mass of me occupying space and consuming and i can taste every inch of the wood and drywall and i am the rats and the bugs and i'm crawling and i'm ravening and i'm moving and shifting because i am the building and the skyscraper is swaying in the wind and it is me

and the flesh opens

and maybe my start was forgotten and maybe i am my components and maybe my components scatter and i don't see where i came from and i don't know what i am and i don't know what i'll be and i'm watching and i'm seeing and i'm feeling and i'm inside and i'm holding tight onto the leash of dreams and i'm trailing down sticky backs and i am the sweat on their necks and i am in the halls and i am in the keys and i am holding the doors open and i am lonely and i am touching the child

and the muscles flay and decay

and the biology rejects me and i'm not right and the child isn't right and nothing is right and our immune systems don't work and i'm in the child and i'm not the child and it is grinding me up and spitting me out and i'm grinding it up and spitting it out and we're trying to break each other and there's a woman and she's screaming and she's watching and she's screaming and she's watching and she's angry that i would dare to do this and she doesn't understand and the child has only removed the contents of its stomach and not me and i am still in the floor and i'm still watching as the sun moves and i touch the woman too and i am still me and they are no longer them

and the nerves tangle and rot

and it is through the acts of flesh that we begin to breath and it is in me and it is outside and i am afraid and there is music playing in the apartment and there is a pot on the stove and there is a fire beneath it and there are figures dancing on the tv and there is the clatter of noises in the city and there is the silence beneath it all and there is me and i am pressing against the walls and i am constrained and i am too much and i want more and i never stop wanting more and i never ever stop

and the brain liquifies and drains

and i take and i eat and i take more and i become more and i grow and soon there is nothing but and the walls are carved from glass and the walls are carved from bone and they come to cage me and they try and they fight to take me and they do what they can and i am far too strong and they have to use trickery and i see all and i am all and i know that i am not me and i know there is another me and i don't know where there is another me

and the bones whither and erode

and all the moments fade together and time isn't real and it all collapses together and i am holding the hand of my son as we walk through the world and i am kissing and i am skin and i am flesh and i am the marks and i am red and angry and i am the stain and i am in the pipes and i am in the wires and i am in the data and they do what they can and i cannot ever be killed and i am infinity and i am rot and i am chaos and i am growth and i am nothing

and the ashes flutter and vanish

and i take and i take and i take and i'm still taking and the humans stop and the building is mine and there are no more humans and there is just me and i am alone and i am never alone and i am all of them and there are that is all

and the empty space remains empty

and i am carved into the walls through the sigils forgotten and i do not understand what for or why and i know that i exist and i know that i will continue to exist and in the past i existed and perhaps that is enough and perhaps i am the building and i am locked in the building and cannot leave and i hide my mass and i wait and i miss the sun most of all and i miss how it shone and i miss the warmth and i miss the dappled light on the walls and i miss the sun so much

but the sun never shows itself to me